We just need to take things slow. If I've learned anything, it's that. Nothing worthwhile is ever accomplished in a rush. It's easy to stumble, to get things mixed up--to forget what is what. Let's just take a breath and do this thing.
I'll be going off of what my friend Muna wrote in her last post: http://bantermalnemer.blogs.brynmawr.edu/2013/03/11/life-of-sinior/
A lot of what she is going through I am too, so it's no wonder we talk about similar things. We also both have a tendency to be rather philosophical, if you haven't noticed. But it's interesting how much we share in struggles at the moment, given that our areas are completely different. She is a bio major with a computer science minor, and I am a dance major with psych and french minors. Doesn't matter--when you're a senior looking for work after graduation, you're a senior looking for work after graduation We're all in this same rocky boat.
After a great thesis performance last week, the excitement of the success and seeing my loved ones started wearing off as life went on and my energies shifted to my next project, this being figuring out my life after grad. Yikes. It's not the deciding that's difficult (although that is at many times the case with me...) because I already had a plan set out. I thought about this a lot over winter break and I came up with a scenario that seems desirable and doable, both important points. In the real world, it's always a matter of trying to marry wish with practicality. Sure we all want that Ferrari, but can we afford it, is the real question. So sometimes you gotta settle for a Prius which more in your budget and is still a great choice, not to mention environmentally-friendly. So there you go--in trying to find a midpoint, sometimes you get even more than what you expected. Hurray.
It's Spring Break this week, meaning that, if you are a senior, you really just work more, according to my acting professor. It's true. I'm glad I have time to dedicate myself to life-planning work. Researching jobs. Applying for jobs (in my case, this equals going to auditions). Networking. Apartment hunting. And all those other fun cookies. The fact that it has been weirdly warm has also not helped, since I began to feel disoriented thinking that it was summer. Nah-han, there's still a lot of school to go before that. Sigh.
This weekend I had two auditions. Don't get me wrong, they went not too badly actually, but because they were paired with apartment hunting and having the time to think about my future, those neurons responsible for worrying totally sparked up man, and I was like: not funny. Not funny! Now that my thesis is over, I am starting to face reality head-on and beginning to transition to post-college life, which isn't really all that easy. Before, I had my thesis to concentrate on, and my dreams seemed to work out great in my head, but now it's time to face the facts.
I began to feel very overwhelmed. Everything started to feel murky and I couldn't figure out what I wanted anymore. I was also really tired.
For some reason, I suddenly decided to take the flowers that have been in my room since my dance performance and change their water, cut the ends, and throw away the dried-up leaves to see if I could revive them a little bit. I was ready to throw them all away until I noticed that some of them were still very much alive. If I peeled off the outer petals of some of the roses, and I could see that the inner ones showed a lot of life. It was the motivation I needed. I quickly began to shave off the ends of all of them, shedding away the dead to make room for the living (man that sounds morbid, but you know what I mean). Wow, I can't tell you how happy I was to see the spark of green that flashed from inside the stem after cutting the ends. Snip snip and there you go: my bouquet had been rejuvenated.
Sometimes, that's just what you need. Taking it easy, taking it slow, having patience to understand that even though it's been a while and nothing is working, you just need to look closer and snip off that part that isn't working in order to find new hope inside. Just as with the flowers, I began to see that in my life. I just needed to breathe and take it one step at a time. And take a break (it's not standing there beside the "Spring" just for decoration, you know). It's about finding the balance. We gotta work, we gotta go after what we want, what makes us happy, what will bring us fulfillment. But we also gotta be nice to ourselves, not give us more than what we can handle, and be selective. Because what is the joy of living if every decision is a reason for stress? No, there must be another way! And there is. You just gotta look careful, peel off the unnecessary, and find that beautiful piece of green hope inside.