Ballet class tonight started out like any other class, no big difference. No, that is a lie. I actually just had had a big dinner with my dance friends (Haffner had chocolate-caramel-smores pizza–oh my) so of course I got to class with my tummy singing louder than the beautiful classical notes being produced by the piano. But all was well, I managed to show up, didn’t I? High-five to still going strong! (Still haven’t reached that stage of utmost fatigue, when the absences of these audit classes start to increase….). But anyway, continuing on my little anecdote, ballet class was as pleasant as ever. I was with my friends, worked hard, broke a sweat, aaaand all that jazz. But after those two hours of intense classical training, just as the clock stroke at the hour, my dance class entered the Cinderella fairy tale and transformed in the blink of an eye into an inspired moment of movement creation (although in my case it was 9pm, not midnight, and there were no crystal slippers! Oh well, ’twas still a beautiful moment anyway).
I don’t know if many of you know, but I am a dance major, and as such, I must choreograph a dance piece as my senior thesis. I have been tossing around ideas for my choreography but the first rehearsal I had, this Tuesday (oh dear, that was only yesterday. It feels like much more time has gone by!) didn’t really reflect what I actually wanted to do. The movements I had created I decided I didn’t like and they just didn’t feel good, they didn’t feel right. I of course started to panic just a tiny bit and started question whether I was going to be able to create something good, something worthwhile. And then there was all that crazy freaking out (you know, typical). It was the first rehearsal, of course I was overreacting, and ideas come and go, change, transform…you just have to keep going and see what you get! And that’s what the process is all about. But still, my emotions spoke louder and I ended up doubting my ability to do a good job.
But today, in that Cinderella moment, everything changed. I suddenly felt inspired and began to visualize movements for one of the pieces of music I want to use (sorry, won’t be able to reveal this one just yet!) I quickly asked the pianist to play it for me, so that I could try out the steps and show it to my dancer friend, to see what he thought. I had created just enough for the first 16 counts of the music. But the pianist continued playing, so I decided to go on and just improvise. I just listened to my heart and followed my intuition. At that moment, there was no one else except me and my music. I didn’t think, I just let my body flow…the teacher and my two other dancer friends were in the room watching, but it was as though they weren’t even there. I was not affected by their presence, I was dancing just for me, finding myself.
It was one of the most beautiful and deliciously peaceful moments of my life. I just felt sublime. I just feel like this whole week I was out of my body, frantic, looking for something that was inside me the whole time, and at that moment, I found it. I fell back into myself and felt so much at home, so much at peace. Everything was clear. It’s in those moments that you understand why you do what you do, why you make sacrifices, why you work so hard. Everything is right there: you are neither insecure nor cocky, you believe in yourself just as you are, you know that you have a purpose and that what you have is worth sharing.
I wanted to share with you all this very personal and special moment of mine because even though to me it was specific to dancing, it is really about everyone’s journey in life. Not only professionally, in terms of your careers, but at all levels. It’s about finding your place in the world, discovering who you are. I know we spend so much time trying to find out what that is, and it can be a stressful and frustrating process, but we have to keep going and just have faith that things will work out! Because — when you least expect it — those moments, those presents from the universe, will come and reassure you with everything you have been looking for. So don’t panic. Most importantly, don’t give up. It will come, it is there, it is all there inside of you. You can do it. Just keep going, and, step by step, one day at a time, you will get there. You will find everything you have been looking for.
A peaceful night to you all. 🙂